stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
