it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
