Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about my life...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
