She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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