my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
