It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
