I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
