So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
