Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
