I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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