Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
