True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
