I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
