Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
