i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
