never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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