I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
