I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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