and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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