How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Terrible idea I love it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
