I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
