Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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