God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
