Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
