Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
