I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
