So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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