I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
