ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
