Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i will never coherently bang her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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