i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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