Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
