I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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