im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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