Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
