I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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