May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
