sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
