hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
