shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
