I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
