I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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