walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
