Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
