I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
