? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
