if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
