he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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