dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
