His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
