I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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