LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
