Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At least life still wants to fuck me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Please don't give away my fajitas
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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