I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
